The October Story - Why aren't you here yet?

This feels weird, writing on my blog after such a long time. I've been using incrediblezee as a means to pen down random ideas and incidents. But my last blog post made me want to write stories, short ones that make you think about everyday things that don't get a second thought, about everyday people that we look through. And I wrote nine little stories, one for each month. The October story changed my outlook. Here's why.

I'm in the process of applying to B-Schools. I've been writing essays about myself, telling complete strangers why I'm the person they need. That's when I realized, what about me? I do the same things day after day without another thought, I'm the person I look at, and yet look through every single day.

Here I'm, thinking about quitting work while at work, to go back to studying business at one of the most prestigious schools. Here I'm, thinking about studying finance and entrepreneurship while staring at my Law books. But is that really what I want? What I need?

I bared my heart out to complete strangers, laid detailed plans of what I want to do, where I want to be in 10years. I wrote thousands of words laying down everything I've done in my life so far. But is that simply how I'm going to be judged? Will my essays be enough to describe me? How many words before they can pin down the exact person that I am?

I'm more than just a girl, an employee, a teacher or an accountant. I'm a lot more than the numbers on my mark-sheets. But will I be given the opportunity to show my true self? I truly don't know.

The wait is killing me. Everyday, I wake up to my emails, checking every few minutes for that one particular email. My desperation, no, obsession for it has made me realize something. While I was writing the essays, I wasn't so convinced about what I wanted. But with each passing day, I've understood something. This is what I need.

And it sucks to know that all I can do is wait, wait to hear something from the University. Something, anything that says I'm wanted there, that I deserve to be there. Because, while I go through life's motions every day, this isn't me. I want to be there. And I've done all I can do, so now, I wait.

Getting back to the beginning, will I get my tenth story? Or will I have to stop at the ninth? Because my October story is in one of the classrooms on the other side of the world. And I can't wait to begin...